Today on “Things Students Say”

3 separate scenes to give you a taste of some of the things that happen in my class.

Student 1:  How old are you Ms. Altsman?
Chorus of students:  She’s like 26 or 27.  No man, she’s like 22.  Nah, she’s 38.
Ms. Altsman:  I’m 57.
Chorus of students:  Man, you’re not 57.  Nah, I’m telling you she’s like 38.  Yeah, I bet she’s 38.
English language learner (very quietly):  Ms. Altsman, are you really 57?
*note to self: sarcasm does not mix well with students trying to learn English

Student 1:  RHA…Ms. A, what’s your middle name?
Ms. Altsman: You’ll never know.
Student 2:  I know her first name is Rachel.  What name starts with H?
Student 3:  Is it Henry?
Ms. Altsman:  Yes, my middle name is Henry (with sarcasm).
Student 2:  Really!? 

Ms. Altsman is standing in the doorway of her classroom.
Student in hallway:  Hey, Ms. Altsman.
Ms. Altsman:  Hey, _______.
Student:  Ms. Altsman, did you lose some weight?
Ms. Altsman:  What!?
Student:  You know, you’re looking pretty good today and I was just wonderin if you lost some weight.  I just wanted to make you feel good, you know.
Ms. Altsman:  Oh…thanks.  I don’t really know.
(While walking away) Student:  I mean, if you get thin, maybe then we could talk.

Ah, another day in the life of a teacher…

Ten on Tuesday

In an effort to not be a horrible blogger, I’m participating in Chelsea’s Ten on Tuesday again.  Head over to Roots and Rings to see other people’s answers!

1. What are some of your family traditions?
We have lots!  For Thanksgiving, we usually go out to our friends house with a bunch of other families and have a huuuuge potluck Thanksgiving dinner.  On Christmas Eve, we go to church and when we come home the “kids” (even though we’re not kids anymore) get to open one present.  On Christmas morning, we can’t come downstairs until Mom tells us it’s OK and takes a picture of us sitting on the stairs (she still makes us do this).  Every year between Christmas and New Years we go bowling.  For Thanksgiving, we usually go out to our friends house with a bunch of other families and have a huuuuge potluck Thanksgiving dinner.

2. Do you know how to change a flat tire?
My dad has shown me before, but that’s why I have a AAA card.  :)

3. Do you subscribe to any magazines? What are your favorites?
Nope.  I prefer books.

4. What are your top three favorite office supply items? (If you don’t share the love of office supplies with me or if you are male, you may skip this question.)
Post-its, in any shape or color!
Pens, specifically Cello Silke pens from Walmart
Binder clips…they’re so useful!

5. Are you a good public speaker?
Considering it’s what I spend my whole day doing, I’m going to go with yes.

6. How do you feel about acronyms?
As part of TFA, I am required to love acronyms.  During Institute we even had a contest to see which group knew what all the acronyms stood for.  I use INM, GP, IP, LP, LTP, BG, PD, CIE, and TAL on a regular basis  :)

7. What’s the most creative things you’ve ever done? (Bloggers, feel free to include pictures!)
In sixth grade I created a Fan DustVac for the invention fair.  I took a big mixing bowl, cut a hole in the bottom and attached it to one of the vacuum cleaner attachments.  You would hold the attachment underneath a ceiling fan blade and use one of those pre-Swiffer magnetic dusters to wipe the dust off the fan blade and into the vacuum cleaner.  My mom loved it because you didn’t have to dust off and the fan and then vacuum the floor; you could do it all in one step.

8. I’d rather jam a pen in my eye than…
go sky diving

9. What company has the best advertising?
I like Dove’s real beauty campaign.  Even though I know it’s advertising, I’d still naively like to think it’s legit.

10. When is your birthday?
August 9…I have a long way to go, but happy birthday Chelsea!

Oops, again

I’m a bad blogger.  Sorry.

Currently, my mantra is “In ___ days, I will be in Texas with my family.”  Then 2 weeks, then exams, then Christmas break!

In the meantime, I’m still working my butt off and trying not to kill my students when they make me angry…10 days to Texas  :)

Weekend Things

Internet out at home AGAIN + Friday payday + 40% off coupon = Saturday morning at Borders.

I ended up buying too many books (of course) and adding some more to the list.  I will now share the list with you.  I assume that since Borders was playing Christmas music, it’s not too early to start my wish list  :)

The Last Secret of the Temple – Paul Sussman
The Elegance of the Hedgehog – Muriel Barbery
The Redbreast – Jo Nesbø
The Likeness – Tana French
War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy (this edition…I love these translators’ work)
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell – Susanna Clarke

Tomorrow will be workworkwork all day long, but today is going to be relaxing and book-filled.  :)

Help, please!

I need an excuse to buy this coat.  Anybody have any ideas?

In other news, I never really do things like this, but I liked the questions this week, so I’m participating in my friend Chelsea’s Ten on Tuesdays.  Be sure to check her out at Roots and Rings.

1. What are you going to be for Halloween?
Something lame, I’m sure.  Maybe a teacher?

2. Have you ever been on television?
I was interviewed by a local Chicago news station when my family went to the Women’s World Cup in 1999.  My face was painted and I was wearing one of those giant ridiculous red, white, and blue hats.

3. Do you have a toilet paper preference?
Charmin Ultra Strong.  And it must go over, not under.

4. When you’re pregnant, will you find out the sex of the baby? (Or if you’ve already had babies, did you find out the sex?) Why or why not?
Probably.  I think it’s good to plan ahead…there doesn’t really seem to be a point to not finding out.

5. What are three items that every kitchen must have?
I don’t really cook, so a microwave, a toaster oven, and George Foreman grill.

6. Do you enjoy Christmas shopping?
Sort of.  I love the decorations and the Christmas music and the general festive atmosphere, and I love when I have a really good idea for someone’s gift.  However, a lot of the time I’m drawing complete blanks on what to get people, which is not fun.

7. What is your go-to recipe? (The thing you cook more than anything else because it’s easy and mindless.) Please share the recipe.
Honestly?  Buitoni pasta.  Dump it into a pot of boiling water, boil for 8 minutes, then mix with olive oil, garlic salt, oregano, and basil.

A real recipe?  Baked ziti, which is almost as easy.  Cook the ziti, then dump vodka sauce on top of it, smother in mozzarella and bake at 350 for about 25 minutes.  Super easy, super delicious.

8. Do you sleep on your back, belly, or side?
Sprawled out on my stomach.  I absolutely cannot sleep on my back and I can only sleep on my side if I’m on a couch.

9. How do you feel about Tom Cruise?
I think he makes really great movies.  I think that has more to do with the movies he picks rather than his skill as an actor though; a lot of his characters seem very similar.  As a person, he’s rather odd.

10. What books are in your “books to read” stack?
Haha, I don’t know if there’s space for it here.

• Band of Brothers and D-Day by Stephen Ambrose
• Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
• The Theology of John Calvin by Karl Barth
• Stealing the General by Russell Bonds
• Letters and Papers from Prison by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
• The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
• The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillippa Gregory
• The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
• Shadow Divers by Robert Kurson
• The Source by James Michener
• Here and Now by Henri Nouwen
• My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
• Julius Caesar by Shakespeare
• April 1865 by Jay Winik

Did that really just happen?

Shining moment from last week:  some of the students asked if they could take home their copy of “The Lottery” because they liked the story so much/wanted to show it to their parents.

I guess I did at least one thing right.  :)

I am so not TFA

I am currently sitting at my desk in the back of my classroom. We’re only halfway through fourth block, by the way.

I was trying to teach them how to write an introduction to a 5-paragraph essay, but they wouldn’t stop talking and laughing and generally not paying attention.  So I told them that any students who wanted to learn how to do this should come to the front and anybody else could just go to the back of the class and goof off.  Of course, no one actually moved, so I continued with my lesson.

While I was modeling my own introduction, one of my lovely gentlemen started mooing.  He does this every day, in every class, and students always laugh at it.  I usually just ignore it, but today I was finished.  I turned the projector off, told them I was done teaching and they should spend the rest of the class working on their introduction, and sat down at my desk.

This is probably not how I should have handled the situation, but I am 99.9% sure that if I had attempted to keep teaching, I would have eventually starting crying, and that would have been worse.  As it is, the students who care have come to me for help, and the rest can just get points off their final draft for having a crappy introduction.

TGIF.

We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto

I know I’m not in Denton (or Austin) anymore when:

• I’m the politically correct teacher because I said “person vs. _____” instead of “man vs. _____” when we talked about conflict.  Me, politically correct?
• not only is it impossible to find a breakfast taco, most people don’t even know what they are. 
• I never see anyone riding a bike (and if they are it’s not an old street bike) or jogging.
• I am almost always NOT the largest person in the room (Men’s Fitness ranked Memphis #11 in it’s 2009 Fattest Cities in America).
• the tortillas are in a back corner of the grocery store instead of next to the bread where they belong.
• my students think I’m “liberal” because I don’t let them use “gay” as an insult or have religious arguments in class (they were supposed to be taking notes and it was completely off topic…otherwise I totally would have let them).
• their idea of a fair is 5 days, a few musical artists, and not a fried Oreo or Twinkie in sight.

Bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils…

It seems like a good time to post a list of good things that have been going on.  Just so cyberspace doesn’t think Memphis is horrible and terrible and full of nightmares all the time.  :)

1. In contrast to my last post, the past 2 nights have been dream free!  I gave prayer a shot again (seemed the most beneficial/productive/likely to work thing I could do with my last waking moments), so thanks to Melissa and parents.

2. We started Unit 2 yesterday and even though it’s only been two days, it’s already going better than Unit 1.  I feel much better about my unit plan, my lesson plans are much stronger, and I’m working on being EXTREMELY clear about my expectations.  The down sides of this:

• increased time planning = decreased time grading
• I am so tired of saying “Can anyone raise your hand and tell me…”  If I say it, they raise hands.  If I forget even once, utter chaos.

3. Fellowship Memphis is amazing.  Ben Parkinson taught the best sermon on hell I’ve heard on Sunday.  Check it out here.  The teaching is dead on every week, the music is fantastic, we take communion every week (which I love), and it is truly multicultural.  I really just love the way they do things and what they’re all about.

• Side note: what are your thoughts on joining a church when you have no idea how long you’ll be living somewhere?  Fellowship is big on membership in a local body (and so is the Bible), but I’m wondering if I should wait and see if I’m going to stay in Memphis before I make the commitment.  Is it OK for me to join the church and then leave less than 2 years later?  Any thoughts/opinions are welcome.

4. Jacqui lives here.  Enough said.

5. The weather the past few days has been fantastic.  The sun finally came out, and with it came FALL!  The high yesterday was 78, today was 74.  When I left the house this morning it was 50 degrees!  They tell me this is not normal, but I’ll take it.

6. This one is pretty stupid, but with the cooler weather comes the return of new TV episodes.  House is back, Bones is back, the Office is back.  Also, we are entering the time of year that is most likely to produce good movies.  The big one I’m looking forward to right now: Where the Wild Things Are.  I love that the wild things are actors in suits and not completely CGI.  All of this plus my new Netflix account means (most of) my entertainment needs are covered.  What’s missing, you may ask – live music, specifically of the Darcy/Fitzwilliam variety.  Maybe I’ll go watch the Catchy Melody video again… :)

Does this count as a nightmare?

Last night I dreamt that one of my kids was trying to steal stuff out of my desk at school.  I had to keep telling him over and over to get away from my desk, while the rest of the class spiraled out of control.  Every time I would get to the point of catching him with something or trying to get him to empty his pockets, I would wake up.

When I would fall back asleep, the dream would immediately start over, except that I had no idea what the kids had been during the few minutes I was awake.  This happened ALL NIGHT LONG.

The dreams have got to stop!  I’ve tried reading, watching TV, watching part of a movie, praying, listening to music, basically everything I can think of.  Anybody have any ideas?