eyes to see, ears to hear

i miss nepal.  i miss the slow pace, the beautiful people, the green mountains.  i miss simple breakfasts and (real) chai tea.  i miss benny and sanu mathew and joyce and babu and sally and the beautiful beautiful kids.

but more than all those things, i miss seeing God’s hand so clearly.  i miss hearing His voice in the breezes that came off the lake to our 3rd floor balcony.  there is so much noise here, even in a dinky college town like denton.  my senses are constantly bombarded and it is so much easier to just sit and let the distractions wash over me than to seek out that still small voice or notice the grace of God in sunshine and rain.

i love what i am doing – i love teaching, i love the 8th graders (who would’ve guessed that?), i love talking about history – but i am lonely.  everyone i interact with during the day is at a vastly different place in life; the teachers are married with kids and the students are just entering the abyss that is the teen years.  when i do have the opportunity to be around people my own age, i struggle to find the energy to engage.  it is getting better; communion tonight was a great encouragemet.  i guess i just thought i would transition and adapt much quicker than this.

maybe i expected too much of myself.  maybe i just need to suck it up.  maybe everything i’m spending my time and energy on is worthless and will come to nothing.  maybe this time next year i’ll be across the country.

maybe, hopefully, quickly things will slow down just enough for me to hear the voices of the nepali children singing praises to the Lord in my head.  maybe things will slow down enough for me to sing praises, and not just offer up prayers that only the Spirit who hears my groans can understand.

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1 Comment

  1. jasonandalina

     /  September 16, 2008

    I have seen you grow so much in the time I’ve known you, Rachel. I’m so encouraged by this post. I know that you are struggling with adjusting, but the fact that you share your heart so freely and are so real is refreshing. I love you, girl!

    -Alina

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  • A collection of ramblings and musings on Jesus, life, education, family, and anything else that pops into my head.

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