Good endings and new beginnings

Last night was my last official night at “communion church where we believe all the crazy things in the Bible,” also known simply as communion.  It was absolutely lovely, praise be to God.

My friends church family loved on me in such a beautiful way, but I would not have been able to receive it if not for the work the Lord had done in my heart earlier in the week.  While talking with Elise one morning, God showed me that I cling to loneliness as if it were some sort of status symbol; that I identify myself as someone who is lonely a good portion of the time.  As we talked about that, God shed light on a lie that I have believed for so long: that I have to love people more than they love me.

If I look back on past friendships, I can see this pattern so clearly.  I viewed myself as a martyr, saying that I would love people more than they love me, giving myself a reason to feel lonely and betrayed and, ultimately, prideful.  This is completely ridiculous!  I can and should love people exactly as much as Jesus enables me to love them, which will always be an insignificant amount compared to how much He loves them (and me).  Jesus is the only “love martyr,” as Elise coined it, and for me to try to take on that role is a complete waste of time and energy.

So with that lie brought into the light, my view of leaving Denton was completely (well maybe not completely, but significantly) altered.  Without this “love martyr” burden, I am free to leave, to move into a new season of life, to make new friends.  Making new friends does not mean I love the old ones less.  Loving from a distance is not less, just different.  New people being brought into the group, into the joy of community and fellowship does not mean I am being replaced; it just means that the Lord wants to bless others the way He has blessed me.  How selfish it would be to resent that!

Although these things seem simple, they needed to be stated with my mouth (fingers?) and in my heart.  I have repented of believing these lies, and because of that was able to listen to my friends praise the Lord for the work He has done in my life with joy and excitement for what He is continuing to do, rather than with weeping and mourning for the season that is ending.  Their words of encouragement were a balm to my soul.  I will be forever grateful for their love and encouragement and for their presence in my life.

I am still nervous about moving.  I am still nervous about the process of making new friends and fitting in to a new community.  I am still incredibly nervous about teaching and all that that entails.  But I am also finally able to be excited, and that is a good and wonderful and beautiful thing.

Praise be to God!

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  1. Dad

     /  May 11, 2009


  2. Mom

     /  May 12, 2009

    And Amen again!


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  • A collection of ramblings and musings on Jesus, life, education, family, and anything else that pops into my head.

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