Why I left Texas

In June 2007, I wrote the following paragraph on my xanga (Good Lord, remember xanga?):

i feel like i am hurtling towards the edge of a cliff and i will soon have to make a choice:  the good friends and sense of belonging that i have yearned for all my life and finally been given, or the Giver of all good gifts and the plan He has for me?  maybe i’ll be able to have both, but the feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that won’t be the case.  i will have to let go of the gifts and cling to the Giver.

Ah yes, back in the day when I didn’t capitalize anything…

Anyway, it’s amazing to me that I was thinking all of this over a year before I even applied to Teach for America.  Something deep within me (call it what you will, I call Him the Holy Spirit) was telling me not to get too comfortable in my bubble.  The time I spent in Denton was beyond valuable – I learned and grew so much in those years and came to understand God in a much deeper way – but ultimately, it was just a season and God was calling me to something bigger than I could imagine.

Moving to Memphis did initially feel like giving up everything I had ever wanted, but God has blessed me so greatly over the past year and a half that I can’t even imagine going back.  He gave me work I’m passionate about, colleagues who challenge me, brothers and sisters in Christ who support me, and friends who make life fun.  I have purpose and excitement and joy.  It took awhile for me to loosen my grip on the life I had in college, but the Lord is patient and gracious and is continuing to teach me how to hold on tightly to Him.

In that same journal entry, I talked about wanting to travel the country and talk to people and live every day as spontaneously as possible.  I bemoaned that we had jobs and responsibilities keeping us from doing that.  It’s funny to me that my life went pretty much in the opposite direction and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Instead of following whims and “being free”, I am rooted and grounded and I absolutely love it.  And interestingly enough, I feel freer than I ever did when I lived in Denton.

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