Why I Don’t Like Being a Girl

Ok, if the title didn’t tip you off, this is probably one of those TMI posts that you just want to skip.  But I need to process and blogging=processing and hey, it’s my blog and I’ll talk about what I want!  So, :P

So here’s the deal: things at my new school are great.  Fabulous.  I love it.  But honestly, I don’t think I’ve worked this hard since my first few weeks of teaching, or maybe even Institute.  There are just so many things I have to do every day, every class, every minute.

We have 16 global systems at my school.  These are systems that everyone in the building is supposed to comply with and enforce.  Most of them are very simple, but at the same time a lot of them are very different than what I’m used to.  It takes an insane amount of brain power just for me to run my class at this point.

I have to remember to check the animations in PowerPoint so that the notes show up in the correct order.  I have to remember to be downstairs at my duty post by 7:15.  I have to remember to greet my students and let them in the room before the bell rings.  I have to remember to open class.  I have to remember to set the timer for the Do Now and enter the attendance electronically at the beginning of first period.  I have to remember to cover the day’s Reading Reason before each class so that I can do the big drumroll reveal during each class.  I have to remember to remind just my 10th grade classes that they need to be buying their book for next week.  I have to remember to give merits and demerits and make students raise their hands and do posture checks and use precise language and call them scholars, not kids, and have them stand behind their desks so I can close class before the bell rings.

And that’s just during the course of the day.  Never mind the planning and parent contacts and grading and copying and everything else.  It’s just a little bit overwhelming.

The annoying part is that I was handling it.  I was keeping my head above water.  I wasn’t getting ahead, but I wasn’t falling behind.  I was staying upbeat and focusing on the positive and not the negative.

But here’s where the title of this post comes in: now I’m PMSing.  And I don’t want to use it as an excuse, but it’s INSANE how much it’s affecting me right now.  I feel drained and overwhelmed and frustrated and like I’m about to burst into tears any second.  And my circumstances are exactly the same as they were two days ago!!!

This is ridiculous!  And the really frustrating part was that I made myself take the evening off of work yesterday because I knew I needed it emotionally, which just means I’m probably going to end up with another 15-hour workday today.  Just like last Thursday.

Intellectually, I know it’ll get better.  I know I’ll get in a rhythm and I’ll learn the new systems and it’ll become habit.  It’s just that right now, in this moment, with all these emotions swirling around, I feel like I’m drowning.  I want to be good at this job, I want to be a good fit at Collegiate, and I just feel like I’m not cutting it.

And as an added bonus?  I had my first formal observation yesterday and get to meet with the Director of Academic Achievement about it today during my planning period.  Again, intellectually, I’m sure it’ll be fine.  Emotionally?  I’m a little bit worried I’ll burst into tears.

Sometimes I really hate being a girl.

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1 Comment

  1. Dad

     /  August 25, 2011

    Praying for you today! Hang in.


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