How to Avoid Isolation in the Church – Part 4

This is the fourth post in a week-long series intended to help anyone, but specifically single women, avoid being isolated in church. The introduction to this series can be found here. Click here to read Part 1, GoPart 2, Join, and Part 3, Serve.

I hope you had a great Fourth of July!  If you were too busy eating barbecue and watching fireworks to read blogs, make sure you go back and read yesterday’s post about serving in the church.  The link is up above if you need it.

Find it?  Read it?  Ok, good.  Let’s continue.

Up to this point things have been pretty easy.  Chances are small groups and serving are not completely new to you.  But buckle up, because this is where it gets hard.

Easy stuff first…

Chances are the with all your going and joining and serving, you’ve noticed a few people who you would like to get to know better.  If you haven’t, start looking.  Observe the other people in your church, particularly the older women.  Who stands out?  Why?  What about them makes you want to get to know them better?  What do you think you could learn from them?

After you’ve observed for a little while, pick one or two that really stand out and start praying.  Pray for opportunities to start conversations with them.  Pray for connections that you haven’t seen before.  Pray for courage.  Yes, courage; you will need it.  Because do you know what you’re going to do next?

You’re going to invite yourself along to something.

Now, if you’re anything like me, this is absolutely terrifying.  Maybe there are some people who can just insert themselves into other people’s lives without a care in the world, but I think deep down all of us have a natural aversion to this.  We don’t want to impose.  We don’t want to inconvenience anyone.  There probably also some pride involved: we want to be invited, chosen, picked.  We don’t want to have to do the asking.

Well guess what?  We need to get over ourselves and suck it up.  Ask her if she is doing anything after church and can you come along.  Ask her if you can come over for coffee sometime during the week.  Chances are she would love to have you, she was just too busy to think of it.  In fact, it’s pretty likely that she thinks you wouldn’t want to hang out with her.  I mean really, from her perspective, what young single woman in her right mind would want to hang out with her and her noisy toddler?  Or her and her teenagers?

I don’t mean to downplay how difficult and terrifying this can be.  I get it, I really do.  I’m the girl who orders pizza online because I don’t like talking to people I don’t know on the phone.  This is uncomfortable and trying, but it is absolutely necessary if you want to get to know people in your church, particularly those who are older and have families.

What do you have to lose?  Even if they say no, that has a lot more to do with their lives and schedules than it has to do with your value.  So put yourself out there, take a risk, and invite yourself to lunch.  And don’t worry – you’re not alone in this.  I’m learning this step right along with you.

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  1. How to Avoid Isolation in the Church – Part 5 « Why I…

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  • A collection of ramblings and musings on Jesus, life, education, family, and anything else that pops into my head.

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