Why I’m Excited About the Coming Months

Photo Credit: Brian Vallelunga (Creative Commons)

Last year was hard.  Really hard.  A lot harder than most people know.

It was just one of those years.  I thought I was confident as a teacher, and then ended up feeling like it was my first year all over again.  Although switching schools opened up new friendships, I lost a lot of my support system, or didn’t allow them to help me.  I had a revolving door of roommates and ended up with a living situation that is less than ideal.  I stopped working out, ate whatever I wanted, and spent too much money.

On top of all of that (or really, underneath all of that), for much of the year I was keeping God at a distance, trying to do everything myself while simultaneously feeling like everything was spinning wildly out of control.  I have always had a hard time truly believing that I am already holy and blameless in Christ; I feel like I have to earn sanctification, so I try to perform.  And then when I feel like I’m failing (like I did last year), everything gets all out of whack, because I am trying to find my self-worth in what I do instead of who I am.

Through the counsel of some very wise people, I began asking God to show me that He loves me.  And not just in a generic way, but in a very personal way.  I have been learning to see a beautiful sunset or a song I love coming on the radio at the perfect time as something He created and orchestrated just for me.  I’m not very good at this, but through His grace I am getting better (I’ve talked about this whole thing and my struggle with it before).

Well, the past couple of months have drastically improved.  This is in part because it is summer vacation and things always seem better when I have a lot of time on my hands and no stress, but it’s not all because of circumstances.  It is because God has been orchestrating things in my life to show me how much He really loves me and values me.

A lot of that has come from this blog, and from those of you who read it.  Your comments and likes and text messages have been so encouraging to me.  Even more than the feedback though, is the feeling that I am doing something God made me to do, and that He loves seeing me do it.  It’s like that famous quote from Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire: “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”  Only switch running with writing, because God has definitely not made me fast.  There is energy that comes from writing that feels similar to what I felt when I first realized I should be teaching.

God has also given me a couple of just really fantastic days recently.  This past Sunday was one of them.  I slept late (for me, anyway), drank a leisurely cup of coffee, and went to church.  The sermon was fantastic and I had really great conversations with a couple of different people I’ve been wanting to get to know better.  I went from church to Panera, where I spent the afternoon reading and writing and eavesdropping (if you are talking loudly near me in a restaurant, I am listening to your conversation.  Sorry, I can’t help it).  I went over to the bookstore and helped a mom pick out summer reading books for her kids from a list of options (Island of the Blue Dolphins, FTW!) and then headed over to pick up Jacqui to go to a friend’s house for dinner.

We got to their house around 5:30 and I didn’t even realize what time it was until we left after 10:30.  We hung out and cooked and ate and watched a movie and talked about all kinds of things and it was absolutely fantastic.  It was one of those gatherings that reminded me of why I loved college so much.

The best part, of course, was the people.  I had been asking God to send me people who would make me feel cared for and valued.  In the back of my mind, I didn’t think He would do it, because aren’t I supposed to find those things in Him?  But the #SheReadsTruth passage the other day was Luke 11, so I asked.  And boy, does our Father in heaven give good gifts.  I felt immediately welcomed and valued and loved.  It was exactly what I needed, and I can’t wait to hang out with them again next week.

I would love to say that I can look back on the past year and see how much I’ve learned and what God has done in my life.  Sometimes I can, but more often than not, I look back and worry that as soon as school starts up again I’ll be dragged back there.  But then I think about days like Sunday, and I praise the Giver of all good gifts that He has given me Himself, and I am therefore never alone.  And when I do that, the next few months look pretty good.

*Photo Credit: Brian Vallelunga (Creative Commons)

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3 Comments

  1. God is so good to give us the gracious gifts we need, I’m always amazed by his kindness in the little things. But I think we all struggle with those times in our lives when we wonder if God’s love is personal or not. I know I have in the past. I still have moments where I get out of whack and need to be reminded of who I am in him. I wrote about that on my blog just this week actually! http://beckfarfromhome.blogspot.com/2012/07/enough.html (I’m visiting from The Write Practice)

    Reply
    • Thanks, Beck! I’ll definitely check out your post. It’s so true that we need those constant reminders from Him…I’m so glad He gives them to us!

      Reply
  1. learning to pray with the help of She Reads Truth (.com) « lauren beth's Blog

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  • A collection of ramblings and musings on Jesus, life, education, family, and anything else that pops into my head.

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